Funny email I've received email, author unknown.

A major research institution has recently announced
the discovery of what is believed to be the heaviest
chemical element yet known to science.
 
The new element has been named Governmentium.
Governmentium has 1 neutron, 12 assistant neutrons,
75 deputy neutrons, and 11 assistant deputy neutrons,
giving it an atomic mass of 312.
 
 These 312 particles are held together by forces called
 morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of
 lepton-like particles called peons. Since governmentium
 has no electrons, it is inert. However, it can be detected
 as it impedes every reaction with which it comes into
 contact. A minute amount of governmentium caused
 one reaction to take more than 4 days to complete
 when it would normally take less than a second.
 
 Governmentium has a normal half-life of 2 to 4 years;
 it does not decay, but instead undergoes a
 reorganization in which a portion of the assistant
 neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places.
 
In fact, governmentium mass will actually increase
over time, since each reorganization causes some
morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes.
This characteristic of moron-promotion leads some
scientists to speculate that governmentium is formed
whenever morons reach a certain quantity in
concentration. This hypothetical quantity
is referred to as Critical Morass.
You will know it when you see it.